Number Cruncher Extraordinaire Gifts

'All these charitable contributions- You think you can take care of poor people better than the Government can, do you?'

"Most efficient accounting team we've had around here in a long time!"

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

'I thought you said you were creative.'

'We have a problem!'

'As I'm sure you all remember, right here is when we all stopped caring!'

'I know that numbers do lie since I happen to work for the IRS.'

'You forgot to carry over the deceit.'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'It seems only two ticks since the last cock-up!'

"How could this happen? I was a meticulous bookkeeper -- with both sets."

"Oh, and we mustn't forget to factor in the profits from your bestseller 'How To Pay Zero Tax'."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

Girl does mathematical equation. Man says 'Tut! Teenagers today and their problems ...'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art