Number Crunching Enthusiast Gifts

"Oh, what the hell, I'll add another zero."

'They have a defibrillator in there.'

Yes, this is your VAT inspector.

'...or you could fill out this Form 666 and get a filing extension for all eternity.'

'Im afraid there's a black hole in our finance department.'

"Workboy"

Pork Bellies.

Would you ask your client to uncross his fingers.

Income Tax Assistance: 'I've been feeling pretty crummy lately - Can I depreciate myself?'

'There are few moments in business more exciting than the quarterly placing of the decimal point.'

"In a perfect world, yes - but you can't claim taxes as a business loss."

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

"It was only when we received the psychiatric report after the company crashed, that we realised there was madness in his method."

"As a statistics cruncher, you might enjoy my recipe for blueberry fool."

No, you can't see him - he's in a good mood and I don't want you spoiling it!

'Well, well. You made thirteen hundred dollars more last year than you did the year before -- you people never learn, do you?'

'Sure, it's an interesting concept, but do we really need mathematical proof that Casablanca should never have been colonized?'

'It's true

'No campaign contributions to deduct? -- Tsk, tsk, tsk....'

The last quarter almost wiped us out.

"If people are to have faith in the pension system then they need to have faith in the people who run it..."

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

The Life of Pi

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Staff Yearbook

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

'This graph may need some explaining...'

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."