Number Crunching Aficionado Gifts

I think we've got the numbers right we just don't know which ones to use... Or what order to put them in.

ACcountants Lunch

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Staff Yearbook

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

Pork Bellies.

'Is that why our games of hide and seek are over so quickly?'

"I wonder if management will believe my project?"

What comes after a trillion

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

'We can't cut out the middle man. With the government in the picture now we are the middle man.'

"Profits are up 20%, but unfortunately costs are up 50%."

'The good news is we've readjusted our expectations.'

'...or you could fill out this Form 666 and get a filing extension for all eternity.'

'I used to be dull and boring then, one day, I discovered accountancy.'

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

'How would you describe yourself?'

'Well, well. You made thirteen hundred dollars more last year than you did the year before -- you people never learn, do you?'

'It's true

Congress introducing new tax laws to CPAs and businesses.

Retrofitting Tax Loopholes Since 1968.

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

Room for Error

'We're pretty sure we've got all the right figures, we're just not sure what order to put them in!'

Lester crosses that very fine line separating cost accounting from performance art...

"According to my calculations, you should float now...I think..."