Finance Storyteller Gifts

'I'm too tired to hear the whole story. Who wins, the bear or the bull?'

'Well, I'll leave you two to sway bankruptcy stories.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

6 Brothers Falafel

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

Wall of Office Memories

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'My office is always open to you Charles, at least until maintenance repairs the door lock.'

'I hired a motivational speaker once, but unfortunately all of my employees left to get better jobs.'

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

Those who fail to learn from the past will be forced to relive it.

"This is the deluxe edition Annual Report Director's Cut with restored graphs and alternative endings."

Pandora's box.

Dollars Press Conference

'I eliminated all the platitudes and cliche statements, from your mission statement, and I'm left with this blank sheet of paper.'

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

Turning a business graph around to get a positive reading.

'...but then the Dow rallied and the blue chips began to rise...'

'Why do I always have to be the one to connect the dots for you people?'

'It's good to be back, Ms. Norton.. did anything important happen while I was away?'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

"Once upon a time, gold was 60 pounds an ounce."

'The global economy is fragile and mysterious, folks... kind of like Tinkerbell in 'Peter Pan.' When people stopped believing in the magic, Tinkerbell almost died. So it's up to us to invent a better supernatural creature to believe in!'

'That was one of my all-time great rumors.'