Finance Storyteller Gifts

'I'm too tired to hear the whole story. Who wins, the bear or the bull?'

'Well, I'll leave you two to sway bankruptcy stories.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

6 Brothers Falafel

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

Wall of Office Memories

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

'My office is always open to you Charles, at least until maintenance repairs the door lock.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

"This is the deluxe edition Annual Report Director's Cut with restored graphs and alternative endings."

'I hired a motivational speaker once, but unfortunately all of my employees left to get better jobs.'

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

Those who fail to learn from the past will be forced to relive it.

Pandora's box.

Dollars Press Conference

'I eliminated all the platitudes and cliche statements, from your mission statement, and I'm left with this blank sheet of paper.'

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

Turning a business graph around to get a positive reading.

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

'Why do I always have to be the one to connect the dots for you people?'

'...but then the Dow rallied and the blue chips began to rise...'

'It's good to be back, Ms. Norton.. did anything important happen while I was away?'

'It's is the feeling of this board that you are overdoing the 'lead by example' thing.'

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

"No! Now, what was the question?"

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!