Financial Storytelling Enthusiast Gifts

'If you kiss me, I'll cause the Dow Jones Industrial Average to soar, manufacturing and trade data to re-accelerate, and housing to rebound significantly throughout the remainder of this and the next quarter.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

'Now that we've moved to Hawaii, I can start trading at 3:30 a.m.--Isn't that great?'

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

Woman uses an ATM with buttons for: Grocery, Leverage Buyout, Start Up Capital, Shop Till You Drop.

I'll put this in a way you'll understand: you need to transfer your feelings from savings to checking.

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

The Bullish World

Pandora's box.

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

Dollars Press Conference

Those who fail to learn from the past will be forced to relive it.

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

Yes we can increase your overdraft, but I'd like to see a little more grovelling, please.

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

Man with a Plan

'...but then the Dow rallied and the blue chips began to rise...'

'Your in great shape...'

"junior, I'll explain 'taxation' to you, if you explain 'crowdfunding' to me."

'That's all for now. We'll find out if our hero emerges from Chapter 11 tomorrow.'

'That was one of my all-time great rumors.'

"Once upon a time, gold was 60 pounds an ounce."

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

What's a CEO's motivation?

'Yeah. It was a good day.'

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

"You can afford to retire at 65, but you'll need to die at 70."