Financial Storyteller Gifts

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

"And that's how Twitter almost crashed the Dow."

'This next one is about a man, a woman, a really, really, big-screen TV, and a mountain of credit card debt.'

"Pensions is a complicated business."

'You mean like a bailout?'

Dollars Press Conference

"Once upon a time, gold was 60 pounds an ounce."

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

Grim Reaper and the Economy.

'C'mon in! I LOVE storytime!'

'Stocks today remained unchanged on news 'the more things change, the more they stay the same''

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

Italy Shackled by the Euro Debt Crisis

"This little piggy went to market and lost a bundle in global high yield funds.."

"So what's the moral of this tale?"

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Wall of Office Memories

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'My office is always open to you Charles, at least until maintenance repairs the door lock.'

Those who fail to learn from the past will be forced to relive it.

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

Pandora's box.

"This is the deluxe edition Annual Report Director's Cut with restored graphs and alternative endings."

'I eliminated all the platitudes and cliche statements, from your mission statement, and I'm left with this blank sheet of paper.'

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

Turning a business graph around to get a positive reading.