Financial Storyteller Pillows

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

"And that's how Twitter almost crashed the Dow."

'This next one is about a man, a woman, a really, really, big-screen TV, and a mountain of credit card debt.'

"Pensions is a complicated business."

It Has Been (Not) a Recession

'You mean like a bailout?'

Dollars Press Conference

"Once upon a time, gold was 60 pounds an ounce."

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

Grim Reaper and the Economy.

'C'mon in! I LOVE storytime!'

'Stocks today remained unchanged on news 'the more things change, the more they stay the same''

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

Italy Shackled by the Euro Debt Crisis

"This little piggy went to market and lost a bundle in global high yield funds.."

"So what's the moral of this tale?"

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Wall of Office Memories

'My office is always open to you Charles, at least until maintenance repairs the door lock.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

"This is the deluxe edition Annual Report Director's Cut with restored graphs and alternative endings."

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

Pandora's box.

Those who fail to learn from the past will be forced to relive it.

'I eliminated all the platitudes and cliche statements, from your mission statement, and I'm left with this blank sheet of paper.'