Storybook Romantic Gifts

"...and they lived as happily ever after as they could, while periodically remembering to forgive each other's transgressions and to let go of petty, pent-up resentments."

Kiss the Princess, $1 (Frog queues up).

Snow White.

Unhappy Lucia di Lammermoor wedding

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"Where the wild things were."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

Little Princess.

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

Sleeping Beauty

Cupid

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'He said he won't give me a new heart unless I change my lifestyle.'

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page