Storybook Romantic Pillows

"...and they lived as happily ever after as they could, while periodically remembering to forgive each other's transgressions and to let go of petty, pent-up resentments."

Kiss the Princess, $1 (Frog queues up).

Snow White.

Unhappy Lucia di Lammermoor wedding

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Where the wild things were."

Little Princess.

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Cupid

Sleeping Beauty

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

'He said he won't give me a new heart unless I change my lifestyle.'

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'