Storybook Magic Gifts

Santa Caught on the Roof-top

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Late night teddy reading

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

Bookworm Sleepover

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

Little Princess.

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

"Where the wild things were."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

"We could have been here sooner, but we wanted to wait until the beautiful Yellow Brick Road was built."

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

Treasure Island Book.

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Dorothy and Toto

'It'll never work. I'm reading 'Of Mice And men' and you haven't even gotten through 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie,.'

Cinderella and Charming the Clown