Storybook Magic Gifts

Santa Caught on the Roof-top

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Late night teddy reading

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Bookworm Sleepover

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

Little Princess.

"Where the wild things were."

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

Treasure Island Book.

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Sleeping Beauty

Dorothy and Toto

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."