Storybook Reading Gifts

'... And they lived quite happily, until the prince forgot their first wedding anniversary.'

"He called it a 'retreat,' but it looked more like a SCAMPER to me."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

The Runaway Horse

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"Where the wild things were."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Little Princess.

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Knights of the bedside table.

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'He was a handsome young prince when I married him.'

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Sleeping Beauty

Cupid

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."