Storybook Readers Gifts

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

'According to the map, this part of the forest hasn't changed for centuries!'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

The Runaway Horse

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

The Poky Little Pupa.

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"Where the wild things were."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Knights of the bedside table.

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"