Storybook Reader Gifts

"The neighbors are complaining about foot odor ... "

The Runaway Horse

'I don't want you playing with those awful Lear girls any more!'

'And then Baby Bear said...'

"He's been taking anabolic steroids."

"Now let down your other hair!"

"So you see, a PRIDE is just what they call a group of us."

The Princess And The Watermelon

Rapunzel has a bad hair day.

'The prince kissed the frog when it didn't turn into a beautiful princess he had frog legs for dinner.'

'Because he was the one who had to milk her. That's why Jack traded the cow for a handful of beans.'

'I didn't mean to jump over the moon but I hic-cupped at the same time a bee stung me on my udders.'

Knights of the bedside table.

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

"I'm not really a handsome prince. I just fancied a good snog."

"According to this, prince Charming is divorcing Cinderella. He says he was forced into the marriage by his father,and that he's always secretly loved one of her ugly sisters."

'Not even the prize marrow? Alright, maybe she's not a princess...'

Damsel takes blackbird pie mix from store shelf.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Wots-Is-Name Conquers The Martians

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel, shut off your blow dryer.'

"Jeremiah was a bullfrog."

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

The Poky Little Pupa.

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"Where the wild things were."