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Under Noah's Ark

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Trojan horse with a satellite dish.

"Are we really gonna do this?!"

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

The Final Selfie

Subway Thrillers

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

"Schedule the 'voyeur' and the 'exhibitionist' for the same time. I want them to meet."

Snowman Romance

"I think I'm falling in love."

'Alas irrefutable confirmation.'

If Shakespeare were alive today

'Gosh, he looks so peaceful lying there, I almost hate to wake him up and put him in the oven.'

'Well - we are catfish.'

'Yeah, yeah, the ammo is included. ... OK, so remember - anyone asks? You've never seen me before in your life.'

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel ... let down your hair extensions.'

Goldilocks and the Three Little Pigs

"And I was all like - severed head in a sack? What severed head in a sack?"

"Judging from the position of the body and the blunt trauma evidenced there on the head and neck, it's clear that the weight of all those back issues of the New Yorker came crashing down..."

"With their short attention spans, we've gone from epic poetry to limericks."

'The vet did it.'

"Ok this is where we're at, pig 1 house of straw approved! Pig 2, house of sticks, approved! Pig 3, house of bricks, um. . . denied."

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

'Goliath! Spent force - Lifetime of drug fuelled addiction. His headline grabbing misdemeanours have sapped his energies.'

'Wh...what? House of straw? House of sticks? But that was so long ago!'

If that slips off and I break a leg, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.