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Little Red Robbin' Hood.

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

Fyodor Dostoevsky

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Fairy tale

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

'I thought you were going for a walk in the woods. Your porridge has been cooling on the table for hours! '

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

"Now, can you explain that with a parable?"

The princess and the key

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'