Story Squirmer T-Shirts

"Isn't Gracie getting a little old for bedtime stories?"

ET Mishap

Computer games

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

'... Of course it's expensive. It doesn't grow on trees you know!'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

"I wonder what he dreams about...Squirrels I bet."

Will Self deprecation

Rapunzel's hair comes down to suitor as a braided ladder.

The definitive turning point in The Great Terrier-Squirrel War was the now-famous Trojan Acorn Maneuver.

Squirrel chopping wooden leg of lumberjack.

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

"The bailouts are nice but my retirement remains finding drugs that washed up on the beach."

"Well, he's a squirrel, so yes, he's a hoarder, but that does not help come Winter: he hoards books, not nuts!"

'Of course I'm confused, I keep dreaming I'm an insomniac.'

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

DOG PARK - 'I can't believe they allow squirrels in here!'

"Pardon me, Karen. Would you be filling the bird feeder soon? Asking for a friend..."

'I'm sorry, but I think you should find a new analyst... your dreams are just too boring for me.'

Cheshire cat meets Cheshire dog

"Why is that moron screaming so loud at something that isn't there?"

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

"... and then I wake up really thirsty and pour low-fat milk on my husband."

'Aborting mission! Primary invasion force captured and enslaved!'

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

"Just watch. This row monitor job is just the first step on my road to the white house!"

Book Burp

"Can't afford your analyst? I'll listen to you for peanuts!"

"Instead of chasing them like a madman, just ask the squirrels if they’d like to play with you."

'This book changed my life. I stole it.'

'That's the guy who ran over Mom last week. He has some nerve coming back here. And a bag of nuts.'