News Skimmer T-Shirts

Interest rate remain at all time low...

Computer games

Newspaper suicide.

The North Portico of the White House runs away crying.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

'To be honest, that's all most people read.'

I'm in the den mom, reading the newspaper for social studies class.

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

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'Forget about 'who,what,when,where,why,how'...Instead 'Will it sell papers...attract advertisers?'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

"A Ms. Ramona Bissell of West Allison, Vermont, writes, 'What the hell is going on?' We here at WVCN think that question deserves an answer."

'Care of your new hammock. Let's face it, whatever we write here, you're not going to bother.'

These remarks are completely off the record

'In the event of a new Gulf War, Letterman and Leno agreed to reduce their arsenal of middle eastern jokes and stockpile them for possible use later...'

One Thing is Free

Everyone have enough to eat and drink? We can start the discussion! I'll have a drop of wine. Do you have another cookie? I could do one more cheese puff. Got it. No one's read the book. I googled lost of reviews!

'My plan is more and more US troops to Iraq until my popularity rating hits zero and makes the book of world records!'

Man reading on top of giant pencil being carried by others.

Information, Clarification, and Correction.

Fully decked out in his new skimmer-Boy Mike was able to skim the pool in just 60 seconds,

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

Information might travel at the speed of light, but the news still travels at the speed of sound bites.

"We just want a vacation --- we don't want to learn anything."

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

'For a moment, I thought I heard the candidates back on the issues.'

Ban news chair

'We don't know HOW to surf - Can't you part the sea or something?'

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

That's not what they mean when they say that Dick Cheney knows where all the bones are buried.

"Police have no suspects at the present time but believe that the motive for robbery was the desire for increased income."