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'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

'To be honest, that's all most people read.'

'Care of your new hammock. Let's face it, whatever we write here, you're not going to bother.'

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

'We don't know HOW to surf - Can't you part the sea or something?'

"We just want a vacation --- we don't want to learn anything."

Superhero Rescues Books.

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'It's called a wetsuit... Keeps you warm, even in icy-cold water... You should try one...'

"And one with no bun."

'On the bright side, I can now tell all my lawyer friends I argued in front of the supreme court.'

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

'I'm taking you off three things - breakfast, lunch, and dinner.'

Interest rate remain at all time low...

'I did a speed reading course yesterday.' - 'It's incredible! I read Moby Dick in 27 minutes this morning!' - 'It's about a whale or something.'

'All I really wanted was a swim!'

'Hold all my calls, Ms. Abernathy... I'm going to take a dip in the company vault.'

Slow down!

The grand scheme