Story Deconstructor Gifts

'He wants to know what we're up to, so he cans tart demythologizing it.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Who's Dead

Bookmore Publishing Co. Autobiography Editor - Embellish and De-Embellish.

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"The true story"

Book Neck

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

"Garbage in, great books out."

Little girl to baby: Is that a good book?

"I read your manuscript with interest."

"We're looking for fresh, exciting, independent voices which are very similar to those of our existing bestsellers."

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

'So what are all these reports about you and Sleeping Beauty?'

Adapt a highway, sponsored by the Screenwriter's Guild.

'I don't care if I have been here for a hundred years! What kind of pervert kisses a girl while she's sleeping?!'

"Very few new ideas come into Arthur's head anymore. He's living on his fat."

"If I can't be honest with you, Cheryl, who can I pretend to be honest with?"

'It's questionable whether your book, Life of a Nobody' will make a Nobody a Somebody!'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

"He was okay with the spell check but he gets mad when it starts to correct the arc of his narrative development!"

'I'll publish it if you include a character obviously based on me.'

'Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me.'

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

'Join me in a Gelato!'

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

Rebellious Typewriters

"We met online."