Story Deconstructor T-Shirts

'He wants to know what we're up to, so he cans tart demythologizing it.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Who's Dead

Bookmore Publishing Co. Autobiography Editor - Embellish and De-Embellish.

Book Neck

"The true story"

"It's actually called 'snow white, the seven dwarfs and the damned biting watchdog.' But of course they don't tell us about that ."

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

"Garbage in, great books out."

Little girl to baby: Is that a good book?

"I read your manuscript with interest."

"Condense this down to a series of memes and we'll take another look at it."

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"We're looking for fresh, exciting, independent voices which are very similar to those of our existing bestsellers."

"Very few new ideas come into Arthur's head anymore. He's living on his fat."

'I don't care if I have been here for a hundred years! What kind of pervert kisses a girl while she's sleeping?!'

'It's questionable whether your book, Life of a Nobody' will make a Nobody a Somebody!'

'I'll publish it if you include a character obviously based on me.'

"If I can't be honest with you, Cheryl, who can I pretend to be honest with?"

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

"He was okay with the spell check but he gets mad when it starts to correct the arc of his narrative development!"

Adapt a highway, sponsored by the Screenwriter's Guild.

'So what are all these reports about you and Sleeping Beauty?'

'Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me.'

'Join me in a Gelato!'

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

Rebellious Typewriters

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'