Store Scanner Fan Gifts

Modern Pavlovian Response. Beep! Beep! Beep! Every time I hear those beeps my mouth starts watering!

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

"Who's the new guy that keeps nibbling on my neck?"

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

"He thinks he never makes mistakes."

"Good old Frank. He was always thinking of others."

'Dear, the good doctor appears to have misplaced my file. Can you fax over your copy?'

Your job...is to make sure nothing ever gets to this desk

Full work boxes: 'IN and MORE IN'.

It makes no sense. The number of books that can be stored on a small device is constantly increasing, yet school kids seem to be lugging around bigger backpacks every year!

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

Screensaver says project compiling.

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

Hole Sale

Those magnificent men and their reading machines.

"I've been sent to rub you out pal..."

'Very impressive resume... new printer?'

Gravitas

Campaign. And now I'd like to introduce the other half of the ticket! That's very risky. He's running with scissors.

Al's vending machine.

A dog sits at her typwriter

The stuff heroes are made of: Ernie courageously throws himself on a live fax machine and saves the entire department from an incoming round of layoff notices.

"I want to meet with my company. How soon can you make a conference table for 10,000 employees?"

'This should be fun... this is my brother-in-law's tax return!'

Grocery store ruins a cart drivers attempt to motivate his horse.

Man has a bin as his suggestions box.

Dog at the Returns Desk

"On my last birthday, I received a microscope with a resolution so powerful I was able to watch single-celled organisms divide to create new life. Even with the aid of that microscope, you still could not see the f**k I don't give for your book."

"I'm sorry for doubting you. I guess I can shop by myself."

Cran-Apple. Cran-Grape. Cran-Raspberry. Cran-Cran.

Insert 50 cents for absolutely nothing.

Snax. Your candy will be out in sixty seconds, but first, this commercial.

"It's an O.K. phone, but it takes great pictures."

'If at first you don't get the survey results you want on your first survey, get mad and tear it up.'