Stock Market Shuffler Gifts

Brokers

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Interior design trends for parents....

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

Finance piracy

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

Businessman on a Slippery Downward Slide.

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

News. Volatile Stock Market. Lots of people have lost their shirts in the stock market. That's why they're feeling bare-ish!

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

Wall Street walking traffic sign flashes 'Worry' and 'Don't Worry.'

'Aren't corporate raiders getting increasingly aggressive?'

Doctors appointment.

"How do you spell time management?"

A cat composer

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

'Oh, I just love dealing with investment clubs. Now, in whose name will you be buying the one-half share of Microsoft?'

'Ok, the cat's away. Time to play.'

"You call that an investment strategy?"

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

OK, buy! No, wait... sell! No, change that... sell! No... buy! No... sell! Buy!

The 'Time Management' consultant rang to say she double booked and she's going to be late!"

"This one starts the day here and usually finishes the day up here."

"Liquidity is when you wake up one day to see your pension pot has vanished, then you wet yourself."

'I'd be interested in any stocks that are Oprah-approved.'