Stock Market Shuffler Pillows

Brokers

Interior design trends for parents....

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

Finance piracy

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

Businessman on a Slippery Downward Slide.

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

Wall Street walking traffic sign flashes 'Worry' and 'Don't Worry.'

'Aren't corporate raiders getting increasingly aggressive?'

Doctors appointment.

"How do you spell time management?"

A cat composer

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

'Ok, the cat's away. Time to play.'

"You call that an investment strategy?"

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

OK, buy! No, wait... sell! No, change that... sell! No... buy! No... sell! Buy!

"Liquidity is when you wake up one day to see your pension pot has vanished, then you wet yourself."

The 'Time Management' consultant rang to say she double booked and she's going to be late!"

"This one starts the day here and usually finishes the day up here."

'Stocks rebounded from yesterday's losses on news that 'it aint over till it's over'.'

'I'd be interested in any stocks that are Oprah-approved.'