Shelf Shufflers Pillows

Interior design trends for parents....

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Multi-Generational Books

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

Jobs for graduates

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

"There's probably room for one more."

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"How do you spell time management?"

A cat composer

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

'Ok, the cat's away. Time to play.'

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

The 'Time Management' consultant rang to say she double booked and she's going to be late!"

"This one starts the day here and usually finishes the day up here."

Flexitime.

If I ever end up dancing like that, please buy me a one way ticket to Switzerland.

Jobs-a-plenty (grocery store sacker/shelf stacker).

Man browses self-loathing books.

'Frankly I'm disappointed in your commitment to late night shelf stacking.'

Magic Trick

"Shuffle Mode"

Best sellers. New releases. Books you still haven't finished yet, Claire.

Watch that always reads: 'Later'.

"I'm still righting wrongs. And you?

Brokers

"I like it when Mr. Rod speaks in Spanish...it usually means he's just done all our work for us."

"This is the worst job in the whole, entire world! You know, I can't see how anybody would ever want this job."

Procrastinators Anonymous