Card Shuffler Gifts

Magic Trick

I can't believe my guardian angel talked me into staying home.

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Interior design trends for parents....

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

In, out, shake it all about.

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"How do you spell time management?"

A cat composer

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

'Ok, the cat's away. Time to play.'

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

"This one starts the day here and usually finishes the day up here."

The 'Time Management' consultant rang to say she double booked and she's going to be late!"

"Around here they want things in triplicate."

Flexitime.

If I ever end up dancing like that, please buy me a one way ticket to Switzerland.

Best sellers. New releases. Books you still haven't finished yet, Claire.

"Shuffle Mode"

Mail Yourself a Card.

'Sorry. In the time it took you to get out your credit card the price of smokes went up another 30 cents.'

Watch that always reads: 'Later'.

"I'm still righting wrongs. And you?

After discovering how much he enjoyed redactiing, Roger gets a little carried away.

Procrastinators Anonymous

Badminton/Goodminton

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