Deck Shuffler Gifts

'Ok, the cat's away. Time to play.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Interior design trends for parents....

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

'Why is it that as soon as the sun comes out the flies come out too.'

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

Jobs for graduates

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"How do you spell time management?"

A cat composer

"#*@!% #*@!% #*@!%"

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

"Funny you should say that because it's the hair on your chinny, chin ,chin I'm here about"

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

"Poor chap has just discovered his daughter has got in to medical school!"

'I love working with my hands.'

The 'Time Management' consultant rang to say she double booked and she's going to be late!"

"This one starts the day here and usually finishes the day up here."

Flexitime.

If I ever end up dancing like that, please buy me a one way ticket to Switzerland.

Jobs-a-plenty (grocery store sacker/shelf stacker).

'Frankly I'm disappointed in your commitment to late night shelf stacking.'

Magic Trick

"Shuffle Mode"

Watch that always reads: 'Later'.

"I'm still righting wrongs. And you?