Stock Market Dramatist Gifts

'Ms. Booth, your portfolio is full of sound and fury signifying zero returns.'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The Contrarian funds

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

Offshore tax havens.

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'