Stock-loving Pup Parent Gifts

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

"Are you as excited as I am?"

'Bad dog, stop doing the crossword.'

"You stop it, now!"

"I hate it when he gets all Robin Williamsy."

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

'Good book?'

"He thinks he learned a new trick - I don't have the heart to tell him it's just an old trick he forgot he knew."

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

'You don't have to worry about me, I just want to know who does your nails.'

"Is our owner hot?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

"It just comes naturally. I have good people skills."

Extra Absorbent Kitty Litter.

Dog responding to his master doing a crossword.

'It's a good living. They train you to do default swaps and you get paid in seals.'

'I'll call you back, we just got in a load of furniture.'

'No doubt about it - he'd make a lovely Home Guard dog!'

'None of them is dead! They're just doing this to embarrass me!'

No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?

'Doing tricks is a slippery slope.'

"I understand everything he says, but I've found that maintaining a blank expression results in less work."

Every Dog Has His Day

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

"Take this stuffed rabbit and chase it twice a day."

The Man Who Could Talk To Dogs