Stock-loving Pup Parent T-Shirts

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

"Are you as excited as I am?"

'Bad dog, stop doing the crossword.'

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

Maybe it's time to stop giving our bones to a broker and start burying them in the backyard again.

"You stop it, now!"

"He thinks he learned a new trick - I don't have the heart to tell him it's just an old trick he forgot he knew."

"I hate it when he gets all Robin Williamsy."

'Good book?'

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

'You don't have to worry about me, I just want to know who does your nails.'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

"Is our owner hot?"

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

"It just comes naturally. I have good people skills."

Extra Absorbent Kitty Litter.

'None of them is dead! They're just doing this to embarrass me!'

'It's a good living. They train you to do default swaps and you get paid in seals.'

'No doubt about it - he'd make a lovely Home Guard dog!'

No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?

Dog responding to his master doing a crossword.

'I'll call you back, we just got in a load of furniture.'

'Doing tricks is a slippery slope.'

Every Dog Has His Day

"I understand everything he says, but I've found that maintaining a blank expression results in less work."

The Man Who Could Talk To Dogs

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'