Stock Jester Gifts

'Where did this extra

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

Career Choices

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'