Stock Advisor Gifts

Arld Hall: Bought Low, Sold High, Stayed, Diversified.

"You're accused of insider trading. Got any stock tips to pass on to lighten your sentence?"

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'Now that I have your attention...'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

British savings accounts

The day the stock market went UP.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

In the Guru District

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'That's our mission statement.'

Jack of all trades

Profit

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.