Stock Market Soothsayer Gifts

"I haven't been this pessimistic about investing since yesterday."

"These figures are a disaster, they show us going into free fall. A commercial armageddon... You'll all lose your jobs, your homes, you families will be desitute...begging on the streets! Although an alternative interpretation suggests a temporary slowdow

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

A child runs an equity stand.

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

Dow Jones drop

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Jumping Wall Street.

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'