Stock Soothsayer Gifts

'Your shares are doing well... No wait, they're falling, no they're rising, no falling and rising...'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'I should warn you that results may vary concerning any wishes about the stock market.'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'No doubt about it, John, zero does represent a critical support level for this stock.'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

Company Share Price - "The god news is we've become a very attractive takeover target, sir."

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

'Now might be a good time to interject the GOOD news to the stockholders!'

Man climbing line chart, planting profit flag.

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

'Sometimes I think the market is trying to tell us something, Ferguson...'

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

'We need to schedule an autopsy audit to find out what happened here.'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

I predict a huge fall followed by a lucrative job offer with a major cake baking company.

"You say there's a dip in the market?"

'Boy, are the markets getting sensitive, anymore.'

Wall Street Red Ink.

'I see you have a stock market/body connection.'