Sales Soothsayer Gifts

'What if we don't change at all ... and something magical just happens?'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist pump."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'What do you do with the time you save?'

The Salesman

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

"Hey! Plants are on sale again! Woo-hoo!"

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

Despite the economic downturn, sales are as good as ever.

'Sell South Africa!'

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

Seeing progression motivates.

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

'I found this sales plan from 1977 ...'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

Whatever works for you.

The company's marketing strategy became increasingly sophisticated.

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."

'Guess how much I sold today?'

'... And for $50 more, this is the same basketball shoe in a turbo model.'

'The sales team did all they could, so I'd have to say the blame for that must fall on the consumer.'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

'I tell you, Angela, there's no sight sadder than a desperate adhesives salesman...'

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.