Financial Advisors Gifts

Build Your Own Portfolio

'What I'm challenging this group to do, then, is to redirect our shared passion for the idea of making money into actually making money!'

'Not scared yet? Just wait until I get to Chapter 11!'

'Our certificate of Deposit Interest rates may seem low, but I assure you, they are better than anything you can get by leaving your savings under the mattress.'

'I'm exploring another revenue stream.'

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

'Welcome graduates, parents, guests, faculty, and home equity loan officers.'

'As you can see here, there were a few downticks, followed by a few upticks, finishing off with some antics.'

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

"...if you set aside 2% of your salary for your pension you can retire at 97."

'My 4 year old granddaughter received a credit card application last week. I want to know why it wasn't ours!'

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

Man asking a clairvoyant about the future.

"Whoever guesses which cup the college tuition is under, gets it."

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

Think Tank, we are looking to hire 'free thinkers' because our budget has been cut.

'If things don't improve, we'll have to close 3 plants and lay off 50 employees or ask you to live a little more simply.'

'This mattress fits up to $120,000 dollars.'

'Remember, it's not a lie if it makes us money.'

"There's a plus side to the credit crunch...My 'lenders elbow' has cleared up!"

'Wait, I have a coupon for $500,000 off that hammer.'

'Fortunately our generation won't have to pay the huge debt. Our grandchildren will.'

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

'I see you have no collateral.'

The Tooth Accountant

"I'm taking no chances, I've invested everything in gold."

See no evil...hear no evil..SEC wouldn't recognise evil if it came and sat on his face.

No we don't have a retirement plan, but we give you time off to buy lottery tickets...

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

"Now I know this one's expensive, but just think how much negative equity you'll have to brag about when the market crashes."

"Since when is malicious, meanspirited and possibly criminal behavior considered unacceptable."

'Right. Making money in the stock market isn't everything... that leaves bonds.'

"Your grandfather decided to put his entire fortune into a trust fund until Judgement Day."

'Fortunately, our decline was slowed here when the marker ran dry.'

Maternity Ward - 'I wonder what his credit rating is...'