Stitch Wizard Gifts

'How long have you been unemployed? I have never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

'You threatened to quit if I didn't give you a raise, not quilt.'

"That's not how mom counts. It's like this: knit one, purl one, RIP out one."

Maid with her sewing basket

"We only got six days of funding."

"Lovely dovetail."

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

Targets.

"Do you have any knitting patterns for somebody who can only count to five?"

Waiting for retirement.

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Woman knitting a washing line.

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

"She got a brand new whip for her birthday."

"Just a trim and tidy-up, please."

"I wasn't ho-ho-ho'ing at you, I was ho-ho-ho'ing with you."

Quilt fanatic

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"This is my son...I want him to work his way up all the way from the bottom- even if it takes all day."

Patient after an appendix operation

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

'Aside from your plastic canvas projects, what else have you been doing since you retired?'

Woodwork

'I hope this is not a reflection on the staff, but the management has asked me to dumb it down.'

'Maybe we could put our knitting down until the examination is over.'

"I enjoyed your speech. Although I was sorry to miss my children growing up."

"Frankly I was expecting something a bit more sophisticated..."

Sewing Machines in Surgery

'Are you admiring my embroidery, dear? To fully appreciate it you need these...'

This sucker was pretty clogged. Found lots and lots of wool. Yes sir, yes sir - looks like about 3 bags full.

'Don't tell anybody, I'm expecting a doll.'

Blue-Collar Workers

Neptune: the retirement years.

'I didn't know it was so dangerous. . . Mac's coffee.'

'I think the main reason you see the glass as half full and we see the glass as half empty is because you've been drinking.'