Steps In A Relationship Pillows

'We've entered the 'password sharing' phase of our relationship!'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"You've changed."

Romance

'You know too much!'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

Couples' therapy

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'Men order. . . women shop.'