Relationship Work-in-progress Pillows

Bored couple.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

DIY marriage counseling.

"You know, if it weren't for Penny, we'd never find time like this to connect."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

Relationship Issues.

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

Tunnel of like.

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."