Relationship Work-in-progress Gifts

Bored couple.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"You know, if it weren't for Penny, we'd never find time like this to connect."

DIY marriage counseling.

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

Relationship Issues.

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

Tunnel of like.