Relationship Conversation Pillows

"It's not that I'm opposed to beards, Lawrence. . ."

'I feel obligated to tell you that this offer may expire without prior written notice.'

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

So you're a mocking bird...

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

"He gets easily abstracted."

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."