Steering Wheel Collector T-Shirts

Captain in Bed

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"Do you buy cars here?"

'It seats two comfortably.'

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'God's speed.'

"So, Bob... anything you'd like to tell me about your little trip to the hunting store on Boxing Day?"

Used wheels

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'Gentlemen, invent your engines.'

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

The dead sea scrolls

Acme Flyswatters.

James May

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

'I meant bring your fishing tackle.'

'It has ten speeds but only one has been used.'

'Big advantage!!'

'Built in obsolescence: Mini with a wind up gramophone.'

Driverless tow truck.

"Do you have anything smaller?"

'They say that these are also handy for carrying a sleeping bag, pad, tent, foul weather gear, extra clothes, trail mix...'

Edmund Spenser

No Carrot Sign (like the old 'no radio' signs).

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!

Baseballs Golf Balls Spitballs.