Steering Wheel Collector Pillows

Captain in Bed

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

'It seats two comfortably.'

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'God's speed.'

"So, Bob... anything you'd like to tell me about your little trip to the hunting store on Boxing Day?"

Used wheels

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

'Gentlemen, invent your engines.'

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

'But, honey, the girl in the bikini only adds to the awesomeness of my car.'

"...and it comes with sat-nav, which as you can see the previous owner used all the time."

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

The dead sea scrolls

Acme Flyswatters.

"There it is...the car of my dreams! It's the perfect match! The seat...the steering wheel...they just call my name! I'm not leaving here without it!"

'I meant bring your fishing tackle.'

'It has ten speeds but only one has been used.'

'Big advantage!!'

Baseballs Golf Balls Spitballs.

Edmund Spenser

'Built in obsolescence: Mini with a wind up gramophone.'

'They say that these are also handy for carrying a sleeping bag, pad, tent, foul weather gear, extra clothes, trail mix...'

'-and what makes YOU so sure my missus is waiting up for me?'

No Carrot Sign (like the old 'no radio' signs).

"Do you have anything smaller?"

Driverless tow truck.