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The dead sea scrolls

Edmund Spenser

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

Second hand furniture.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

clock shopkeeper says timing is everything

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Used wheels

"So, Bob... anything you'd like to tell me about your little trip to the hunting store on Boxing Day?"

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

Olga's Biological Clocks.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'Gentlemen, invent your engines.'

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"What's that smell?" "A paper cut."

Orthopaedist

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

Outstanding Time Management

95 Theses That Will Blow Your Mind!

Time Table