Shield Collector T-Shirts

"Shoo!"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

A little something aside for a rainy day

Man showing in the rain.

Try me/try me/try me...

'It must be the dead sea.'

Black Belt/Yellow Belt/Green Belt/No Belt.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'It seats two comfortably.'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

Raining

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

'It's an antique!'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

If you hold the conch up to your ear, you can hear the ocean swearing at you.

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Used wheels

"So, Bob... anything you'd like to tell me about your little trip to the hunting store on Boxing Day?"

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Feeling for shells

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

'You don't need a weather forecast. Just read mother natures' signs carefully and you know that it will start raining soon.'

'Of course you can hear the ocean,we're standing next to it.'

"At least the anti-public education folks haven't started to try to dictate what we can have for lunch."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Well, they did call for localized showers."

Horse racing puns

"I can hear the sea boiling."

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.