Steak Enthusiast Gifts

'I read that you should only have a portion of meat about the size of your palm!'

Elevator buttons : Rare, Medium, Well done.

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

Joes Vegetarian Restaurant, where the chef tucks into a steak

'Hey handsome, mind if I buy you a drink?'

'Believe me, sir! My wife's steaks are the best bullet proof vests ever!'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'I can't cut my steak. Take it back.' 'I can't, you've bent it.'

'I'd recommend our special diet offer, sir. You pay for three steaks and get none.'

'When you said we were going for a stake-out Sarge...'

'How's the steak, sir?'

'Eat a steak. There are so many antibiotics in it, you'll be cured.'

'How would you like your steak...overcooked, burned to a crisp or completely incinerated?'

H&R Steak and Tax Prep.

"One medium rare and one with honey."

'Come now, Mr Symes. I am a Master Chef. I'll admit the steaks are high. But then so are the rewards.'

'I always buy him the toughest, chewiest steak. It shuts him right up for half an hour.'

'How would you like your steak, sir?' - 'Big.'

How things got their names No 43: Rump Steak.

"...let me guess - two rump steaks, very rare and two bloody marys..."

The Best Little Steak House in the City.

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

'My client, Skippy, is suing for a twenty-ounce sirloin, medium-rare.'

"Your steak comes with a well done certificate."

Cow in lifeboat...

Prime Meats.

"Sorry for the delay, sir - Chef is just immobilizing your steak now..."

"Rare raw or rare singed?"

Steak

"There'll be a slight delay on the filet mignon."

'It's ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE! And smells delicious!'

"How would you like your steak, sir - tough, tougher or toughest?"

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

"Your steak's prepared in the firebox of a 17th century tank engine - unfortunately sir, the chef can't confirm if it has 0-60T wheel arrangement or not."