Steak Aficionado Gifts

'No! Not rare, not medium, not well-done: I want my steak raw! Thank you...'

'Doctor please come quick! His fever has gone from medium rare to well done!'

'Sorry, sir, but I had to throw all your t-bone steaks to your dogs so they wouldn't attack me. . . um. . . that'll be $49.71 please. . .'

'He's not happy with the portions in the doggie bag.'

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

"Heh, Trump likes his steaks well done with ketchup. Jesus."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Martha, I've just discovered where Uncle George has gotten to"

'No! Not rare, not medium, not well-done: I want my steak raw! Thank you...'

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

Cow Gag Gifts

'Hi, I'll have a steak with hay, please.'

"It's a shame, I once had a large steak in that company."

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

hard-boiled egg...

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"And how would you like your steak?"

The Best Little Steak House in the City.

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Honey are you in the mood to fleece a cow tonight

"We get all our meat from a man dressed like a butcher."

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."