Stats Superstar Gifts

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I've outgrown my backpack."

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

Bigger Brain

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

"Gracie, I'm so proud that you made the academic decathlon team! Here...have some of my special green tea! Ithelps you concentrate and improves your memory!"

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"We started learning about units of measurement in math class, but I don't really understand it, so I've got an acre of homework to do."

Bank Robbery Statistics

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

Waiting for the results.

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

"Any questions?"

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

Social median

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

Are you familiar with the phrase "demography is destiny"?

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

The family tradition lives on: I won the Long Jump and the Triple Jump events...

The Miracle Worker

'According to these statistics you'll probably outlive me...'

The Stat family

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."

"Study after study shows that more and more people are participating in studies."