Statistics Standout Gifts

Negative bar is taped onto bar graph in business meeting.

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

Exam

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

"I started a collection!"

"I got an 'A' for my anti-gravity science project!"

"I got an 'A' - and all my research was from infomercials."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Footballer and Bacteria.

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

'Between the school assignments, sports classes, and dance lessons, I hardly have any time to spend with my dolls.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

Child stands on Math help books to reach blackboard.

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

'I have a math test tomorrow, Sir, and I could use a godsend multiplicationwise.'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

"I got an A in not being annoying!"

Bank Robbery Statistics

Brownie Points

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"I got the highest grade in the class, except the giraffe."

'Straight A's. That means good.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Right now my plate's full juggling school and parents.'

"It helps to read a grade level ahead!"

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

'I tripled my salary to give you all a good benchmark.'