Stats Geek Gifts

'See? Right there where the brain's supposed to be? Nothing but a head full of sports statistics.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

Graph to find your IQ

Man stabbed by fallin arrow on wall chart.

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

Bank Robbery Statistics

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'Our crime figures are down!'

"I hate to be a downer, but, statistically, people are more likely to die of heart disease than by getting

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"If it weren't for you, we'd have nothing in the cloud."

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

The Pie Chart of Mystery

'Suzy, I hate to break the news to you like this, but there's a good reason why your new boyfriend doesn't fit in amongst the townsfolk too well...Yes Suzy. He's a Notorious Outlier.'

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%