Stats Aficionado Gifts

"Boring game today."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

"Some good predictive analytics software would have really helped us avoid this mess..."

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

'Our crime figures are down!'

Bank Robbery Statistics

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

'Number 20 is up. His batting average is 320 and his drug tests are negative.'

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

'They've been like this ever since Mary presented her report. It's the worst case of paralysis by analysis I've ever seen!'

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

The statistician marrying the probability expert...

Social median

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

'Or we can go with trial-and-error.'

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."